Here are handpicked dark Halloween jokes to have a fun time with kids and adults.
Scary Halloween Jokes
When do zombies finish trick or treating?
When they are dead tired.
What does a turkey dress up as on Halloween?
What do vampires take to get around on Halloween night?
A blood vessel.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no-body to go with.
Why did the skeleton run away?
Because a dog was after his bones.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween?
He felt it in his bones.
What kind of monster loves to disco?
How did the zombie become great a trick or treating?
Are any Halloween monsters good at math?
No—unless you Count Dracula!
What is a vampire’s favorite halloween candy?
Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Because he had bat breath.
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem.
Why wouldn’t the ghost dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with him.
What position does the ghost play in soccer?
Where do ghosts like to trick or treat?
At dead ends
Who gives Dracula the most candy on Halloween?
How do you know if a mummy is sick?
He can’t stop coffin.
Dirty Halloween Jokes
How do two skeletons have s*x?
By boning all night long.
What’s unique about s*x with vampires?
They only come at night.
Why do skeletons enjoy s*x with dainty women?
By boning all night long.
It’s scary how good you look.
How do skeletons make babies?
Are you a monster?
Because you look Frankenfine.
Why don’t witches have babies?
Their husbands have crystal balls.
What did the witch say to the vampire?
If you like my pumpkins, you should taste my pie.
Why do witches wear no p*nties?
For better grip on the broom.
How is broccoli different from boogers?
Kids won’t eat broccoli.
What did the vampire say to the teacher?
See you next period.
Are you a zombie?
Because I’m really liking your brains.
he devil has something between his legs. What is it?
Great balls of fire.
Dark Halloween Jokes And Riddles
What do you call a cow on Halloween?
What do ghosts eat for supper?
What animal dresses up and howls?
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it’s Halloween!!
How do you get rid of demons?
Exorcise a lot.
What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Why was the Witch’s broom late?
What kind of bread do zombies like?
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
What’s a monster’s favorite cheese?
I have five fingers and a thumb, but I will never be alive. What am I?
What do ghosts use to do their makeup?
I have a tail and four feet, but no arms or legs. What am I?
Halloween Jokes For Kids
How do vampires get around on Halloween?
On blood vessels.
What’s big, scary, and has three wheels?
A monster riding a tricycle!
The skeleton couldn’t help being afraid of the storm—
He just didn’t have any
Why does Frankenstein’s Monster always finish his dinner first?
Because he bolts it down.
What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
How much does a bone car cost?
Why can’t a vampire go to a barbecue?
They’re afraid of stakes.
What’s a ghost’s favorite ride?
Where do ghosts go on holidays?
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
What sound do witches make when they eat cereal?
Snap, Cackle & Pop!
What kind of monster is the best dancer?
Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
The Dead Sea!
What is a monster’s favorite dessert?
What do birds say on Halloween?
Twick or tweet.
Why did the zombie skip school?
He felt rotten.
What is a witch’s favourite class?
What is a zombie’s favorite thing to eat?
What do mummies listen to on Halloween?
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
What do you give a vampire when he’s sick?
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?
Where do vampires keep their money?
The blood bank.
What do skeletons order at a restaurant?
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
How do you know when a ghost is sad?
He starts boo-hooing.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Clean Halloween Jokes For Adults
Why did the monster go inside the bar?
For the boos.
Do you know what killed the man who had a two ton pumpkin fall on him?
He was squashed.
Do you know how to make a witch itch?
You take away the w!
What do you call a single vampire?
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they like to eat the fingers separately.
What do you call an annoying pumpkin who does stupid stuff?
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts!
What is a vampire’s worst fear?
Why are graveyards noisy?
Because of all the coffin!
I heard there is a skeleton in your closet?!
No, the body hasn’t decomposed yet.
What health insurance do Halloween creatures use?
What did the boy ghost ask his father?
Do humans really exist?
When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When you are a mouse.
Halloween Knock Knock Jokes
Ice cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
Ivana suck your blood!
Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
Bob for apples! It’s Halloween.
Getyur fangs outta my neck!
Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!
Ooze that monster over there?
Bat you’ll never guess!
Fangs for letting me in!
Voodoo you think you are practicing magic on Halloween?
Doughnut worry it is just a Halloween joke!